You Are Not Alone!!

By Rosalee Pilling | 05/31/2020

Human connection is in our DNA, and when we lose that connection we can sometimes feel lonely, but you are not alone. The difference between feeling lonely and being alone is that being lonely can be precipitated by loss. You may have lost a loved one, or friend/s and now the withdrawal phase is causing you to feel lonely despite having people around. Being alone simply means that there is little to no connection with other human beings.

My Story

When my husband, John, passed away I was both lonely and alone. I was at home alone and even though I had friends and family a phone call away, that did not matter. There was a feeling of loneliness that quickly turned into sadness. The worst part of it was coming home after work. I would be ok at work; I had wonderful co-workers and my boss was the best, but even though I knew that they cared about me, at the end of the day I was still lonely. I would open the door and walk into the house and it would feel like a different world. No one visited me.

I was constantly on the phone with some core friends, and family members who would even stay with me on the phone until I fall asleep, and would spend quality time talking with me, but that did not prevent me from feeling utterly lonely. On the Eve of Christmas 2018 was when the sadness turned into the desire to go with John. I can remember that I had spent the whole day on the phone with a friend, and another friend had called me and spent some time talking with me after that, so I was not alone that day, but I was lonely. The company that I really wanted was gone, and no one else could fill that void. I started to justify in my head why going with John would be better. I thought about my family, friends, school, my job, and the thought that came to me was “They are doing fine, nobody needs you, you are free to go.”

I did not want to die. I had no intent, or plan to die, and I also did not want to be sitting there all by myself. As I was sitting there a voice came to me and said, “You are not alone. I will never leave you.” I cannot explain it to you, I just know that it came at the right time (just before I started thinking, how). Sometimes when I am home alone, and I get lonely, I remember those words, and I would say them aloud. One thing that I learned is that no matter how much support you have from family, friends, and institutions, they may not be there when you really need them, therefore you must have something in place that you can utilize to help you. The connection with my spirituality was what saved me that day, because there was no human in sight. Psalm 46:1 says “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Feeling lonely and being alone can be catastrophic especially after a loss, and no matter how supportive people are it might not be enough. In order for you to know that you are not alone and to alleviate feeling lonely, you must connect with fellow humans as well as engage your spirituality.